Introverted Mom Read online

  This book combines two of my favorite things: personality insights and literary heroines.

  ANNE BOGEL, FOUNDER OF MODERN MRS. DARCY AND AUTHOR OF READING PEOPLE

  Introverted Mom is a steady stream of inspiration for those of us who regularly feel depleted “keeping up” with the pace and decibel of an extroverted world. As I read Jamie’s words, I felt more affirmed than I have in a long time. Seeing my own introverted tendencies as worthy traits and not “needy” quirks completely shifts the focus away from feeling not enough to celebrating the gifts that come with my personality. I wish I could set a copy of this book on the night stand of every introverted mother to remind her that understanding herself more deeply, making peace with who she is and designing her life to honor her natural traits is the greatest gift she can offer herself and her family.

  LISA GRACE BYRNE, FOUNDER AND DIRECTOR OF WELLGROUNDED LIFE

  In a world that urges us to do more and be more, Jamie invites introverted moms to embrace the way God created us. With quick wit and charming literary profiles, each chapter will leave you feeling like you’ve just had a cup of tea with a new friend. I’m so glad Jamie had the courage to put into words the reality so many of us face on a daily basis, reminding us that we are not alone.

  ASHERITAH CIUCIU, FOUNDER OF ONE THING ALONE AND AUTHOR OF FULL

  Jamie is a genius for taking the time to write this book. I think every woman should read it. We all want to run away and refuel on a regular basis, which is essential to emotional, spiritual and mental health. Jamie gives us permission and validation to care for ourselves. As a fellow introvert, I wish I’d had this book many years ago!

  SALLY CLARKSON, AUTHOR, SPEAKER, MOTHER, AND FELLOW INTROVERT AT SALLYCLARKSON.COM

  Though I’ve been an introverted mom for over fifteen years, I still found myself reading Jamie’s words with a highlighter in one hand and a tissue in the other. It’s a relief to be reminded that my introversion is not a burden to my family, but a gift. Introverted Mom is a timely reminder to lean in to who we are and how we’re made. I wish I’d had this book when my kids were babies!

  EMILY P. FREEMAN, WALL STREET JOURNAL BESTSELLING AUTHOR OF SIMPLY TUESDAY

  As a mom of six, I spent too many years following advice that didn’t fit my introverted temperament. I wish I’d had Jamie Martin’s book years ago! Jamie gives people like me permission to be ourselves and offers unique tips for how to thrive in our daily lives.

  JENNIFER FULWILER, SIRIUSXM RADIO HOST AND AUTHOR OF ONE BEAUTIFUL DREAM

  What I love most about Jamie Martin’s Introverted Mom is her insightful encouragement to accept and embrace our own style of motherhood. We might all share the title of “Mom,” but we all possess different strengths, limits, tendencies, visions and heart compositions that set us apart. This book offers tangible ways of honoring our personalities, while gaining so many of Martin’s now famous how-to’s on becoming our best, most authentic selves.

  JESSICA KASTNER, AUTHOR OF HIDING FROM THE KIDS IN MY PRAYER CLOSET AND BLOGGER AT JESSICAKASTNER.COM

  Creatively woven with the wisdom of classic literary cohorts, Jamie’s voice in these pages offers hope for the hidden 50 percent. Finally: a motherhood anthem we introverts can dance to. (Quietly. In our bedrooms. Alone.)

  ERIN LOECHNER, FOUNDER OF OTHERGOOSE.COM AND AUTHOR OF CHASING SLOW

  I’m an extrovert, but I was delighted to discover myself in so many of this book’s pages, too. We all have to both extrovert and introvert at different times, after all. Jamie’s book is nourishing for the soul.

  SARAH MACKENZIE, AUTHOR OF THE READ-ALOUD FAMILY AND CREATOR OF THE READ-ALOUD REVIVAL PODCAST

  I can’t tell you how many emails I have received from worn-out, introverted moms hiding in their bathrooms, the only place of brief respite in their homes. At last, Jamie Martin has written a book specifically for you, and in these pages you will begin to let go of unattainable extroverted mom ideals and find rest and strength to live and love as yourselves. Close the bathroom door, open this book, and be free!

  ADAM MCHUGH, AUTHOR OF INTROVERTS IN THE CHURCH

  Introverted Mom reminded me that introversion/extroversion is a spectrum, and that we identify with aspects of both sides at different seasons of our lives. Even though I lean toward the extroverted side of that spectrum, the loud, 24/7 role of motherhood has made me more aware than ever of my need to get away and recharge. Jamie’s words showed me that I’m not alone in that need and gave me a guilt-free permission slip to care for myself.

  ERIN ODOM, AUTHOR OF MORE THAN JUST MAKING IT AND CREATOR OF THEHUMBLEDHOMEMAKER.COM

  This book is the encouragement I wish I had when my kids were younger. In these pages, Jamie manages to both lovingly remind us introverts that we’re not alone in our parenting experiences, and inspire us to roll up our sleeves and do the beautiful work of raising our kids our way, leaning into the way we’re made instead of fighting against it. Her voice is full of wisdom, humor, and much needed here-in-the-trenches-with-you.

  TSH OXENREIDER, AUTHOR OF AT HOME IN THE WORLD

  Parenting is hard. It requires being around people constantly; little people who are loud and messy and inquisitive without end. Their ceaseless energy has the power to weary the most outgoing, extroverted mom, and for the introverted mom this can prove crippling. Introverted Mom is a gift to those of us who have struggled to find a peaceful and gentle rhythm in this chaotic season of our lives.

  WENDY SPEAKE, CO-AUTHOR OF TRIGGERS

  Jamie has a beautiful way of meeting introverted moms right where they are and giving them tools for carrying on. Her encouragement throughout these pages is genuine, practical, and tangible. I felt understood and validated for who I am. What a gift. Introverted Mom is going to give many women a huge sigh of relief and confidence to navigate life in a way that feels authentic to them.

  RACHEL MACY STAFFORD, NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLING AUTHOR OF HANDS FREE MAMA

  After becoming a mom to an extroverted firstborn, I started to wonder if I might be an introvert, despite the fact that I am social and outgoing. Now I’m four kids into this motherhood gig, and my introverted side definitely struggles to cope! Reading Introverted Mom reminded me that I’m not alone in feeling overwhelmed by the joyful noises that fill my home, that needing to recharge doesn’t make me a bad mom, and that there are practical steps I can take to feed my quiet-loving heart. Drawing on the wisdom of some of my favorite literary introverts, Jamie Martin’s encouraging book is a balm to the soul.

  HALEY STEWART, AUTHOR OF THE GRACE OF ENOUGH

  As a mother of five and a full-time work-at-home mom, this book was nourishment for my tired spirit. Reading it was like having a (quiet) cup of tea with a friend. The pages are filled with empathy and understanding for the exhausted introvert who feels like she’s not enough. Introverted Mom inspired me to own my strengths, and it helped me to feel less alone on my motherhood journey.

  SUSAN STORM, FOUNDER OF PSYCHOLOGYJUNKIE.COM

  ALSO BY JAMIE C. MARTIN

  Give Your Child the World

  Mindset for Moms

  Steady Days

  ZONDERVAN

  Introverted Mom

  Copyright © 2019 by Jamie C. Martin

  Requests for information should be addressed to:

  Zondervan, 3900 Sparks Dr. SE, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49546

  ISBN 978-0-310-35497-0 (softcover)

  ISBN 978-0-310-35499-4 (audio)

  ISBN 978-0-310-35498-7 (ebook)

  Epub Edition March 2019 9780310354987

  All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission of Zondervan. Al
l rights reserved worldwide. www.Zondervan.com. The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.®

  Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation. © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

  Scripture quotations marked KJV are taken from the King James Version. Public domain.

  Scripture quotations marked MSG [or The Message] are taken from THE MESSAGE. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

  Any internet addresses (websites, blogs, etc.) and telephone numbers in this book are offered as a resource. They are not intended in any way to be or imply an endorsement by Zondervan, nor does Zondervan vouch for the content of these sites and numbers for the life of this book.

  No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other—except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

  Published in association with literary agent Jenni Burke of D.C. Jacobson & Associates LLC, an Author Management Company, www.dcjacobson.com.

  Cover Design: Faceout Studio

  Cover Illustrations: Creative Market

  Interior design: Denise Froelich

  Printed in the United States of America

  * * *

  19 20 21 22 23 LSC 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

  Ebook Instructions

  In this ebook edition, please use your device’s note-taking function to record your thoughts wherever you see the bracketed instructions [Your Notes]. Use your device’s highlighting function to record your response whenever you are asked to checkmark, circle, underline, or otherwise indicate your answer(s).

  Information about External Hyperlinks in this ebook

  Please note that endnotes in this ebook may contain hyperlinks to external websites as part of bibliographic citations. These hyperlinks have not been activated by the publisher, who cannot verify the accuracy of these links beyond the date of publication.

  For my (extroverted) mom and my

  (introverted) dad—the first still on earth,

  the second watching from heaven: Thanks

  for your unconditional love, always.

  contents

  Introduction: You Might Be an Introverted Mother If

  PART 1: THE TRUE WAY TO LIVE CHAPTER 1: the distance is nothing On Discovering You’re an Introverted Mom Retracing Childhood Clues

  Reaching the Breaking Point

  What I’ve Learned about Anger

  CHAPTER 2: learning how to sail On Believing That You’re Enough Free to Be Who? On What Makes an Introvert

  Sailing Your Ship: Lessons from Louisa May Alcott

  An Introverted Mother’s Promise

  CHAPTER 3: a new day On the Freedom That Comes from Acceptance Self-Care versus Self-Improvement

  A HUGE List of True Self-Care Ideas for the Introverted Mom

  The Freedom of Discovering What’s Yours

  PART 2: GOVERNING IT WELL CHAPTER 4: no great loss On Navigating Heartache and Disappointment Dealing with the Tough Stuff of Life Introvert-Style

  Keeping Out the Shadows: Lessons from L. M. Montgomery

  Grace for the Introverted Mom

  CHAPTER 5: tenderness of heart On Marriage and Raising Children Sparkle and Glow: On Differing Personality Types in Marriage

  Loud and Proud: On Raising Extroverted Children as an Introverted Mom

  Alone, Together: On Connecting With and Raising Introverts

  CHAPTER 6: pruned down and branched out. On Stretching out of Our Comfort Zones Even If It’s Not a Definite Yes, It Could Still Be a Definite Yes

  A (Hushed) Shout-Out to the Highly Sensitive

  Kneeling in the Dirt, Waiting for the Growth

  PART 3: A BETTER GUIDE CHAPTER 7: always good company On Good Books and Good Friends Bonded through Books: The Introverted Mom’s Shortcut to Friendship

  On Having Sense and Sensibility: Lessons from Jane Austen

  Books Have Been My Counselors

  CHAPTER 8: feel a prayer On Connecting with God as an Introvert Walking the Road of Faith as an Introvert

  Introverted Moments in the Bible

  10 Ways to Avoid Awkward Church Greeting Times

  CHAPTER 9: as the years pass On Watching Your Family Grow Up Decisions, Decisions: What about School and Work?

  On How It Gets Easier, but Also Harder

  They Just Don’t Do That Anymore

  PART 4: SIMPLE LITTLE PLEASURES CHAPTER 10: in quiet places On Cultivating Calm Wherever You Are Quiet in Your World versus Quiet in Your Mind

  Living Slow: Lessons from Laura Ingalls Wilder

  A Dishwasher’s Meditation

  CHAPTER 11: your own happiness On Uncovering Joy Stop Trying to Be Happy and You Just Might Be Happier

  The Daily Checklist: A Tool for Prioritizing Positivity

  If You Give an Introverted Mom a Smartphone

  CHAPTER 12: a beautiful success On Defining for Ourselves What Really Matters A “Fruit-Filled” Life: A New Definition of Success

  Brave and Bad: On Being a Successful Mother

  Dear Mom of “That” Kid

  An Introverted Mom’s Manifesto

  Epilogue: Dear Fellow Introverted Moms

  Acknowledgments

  Notes

  you might be an introverted mother if . . .

  If you’ve ever hidden a stash of chocolate

  on a high shelf in the bathroom,

  you might be an introverted mother.

  If you occasionally need to tell someone, “Go

  to your room!” and that someone is you,

  you might be an introverted mother.

  If you get up early or stay up late, just to soak in the silence,

  you might be an introverted mother.

  If you’ve ever begged your husband to put the

  kids to bed at the end of a long day,

  you might be an introverted mother.

  If you know you must build in recovery

  time after every playdate,

  you might be an introverted mother.

  If you’ve ever worn earplugs during time

  spent with your own children,

  you might be an introverted mother.

  If you’re secretly relieved when a

  planned outing gets canceled,

  you might be an introverted mother.

  If you drop your child off for a lesson, and

  feel lucky to sit in the car alone,

  you might be an introverted mother.

  If you sometimes wish you could do more, but your

  body, mind, and spirit point out that you can’t,

  you might be an introverted mother.

  If you’ve ever asked someone else to take

  your kids to a loud birthday party,

  you might be an introverted mother.

  If your idea of a perfect night is a hot bath and a good book,

  you might be an introverted mother.

  If you’ve ever felt guilty about giving the kids

  screen time so you can have downtime,

  you might be an introverted mother.

  If chitchat exhausts you, but you love meaningful

  conversation with a close friend,

  you might be an introverted mother.

  If you’ve ever retreated behind your bedroom

  door and cried in overwhelm,

  you might be an introverted mother.

  If you avoid answering the telephone

  unless it’s an emergency,

  you might be an introverted mother.

  If you’ve instituted a mandatory hour or

  m
ore of quiet time in the afternoons,

  you might be an introverted mother.

  If you consider your journal one of your

  most treasured companions,

  you might be an introverted mother.

  If you’ve ever wondered why a typical

  day can drain you completely,

  you might be an introverted mother.

  If you are compassionate, sensitive,

  and love your family fiercely,

  you might be an introverted mother.

  If you believe a peaceful home is the best place in the world,

  you might be an introverted mother.

  And if you’re an introverted mother, this book is for you.

  Do you ever wonder if you’re the only mom who feels this way? Like no one else gets you? Like the way motherhood affects you means you’re just not cut out for this 24/7 role?

  Come closer, because I have a secret: Your personality is no accident. In fact, you already have every trait you need to be the best unique mother for your unique kids. You may feel torn from your true self, though, because you’re living in a nonstop, go-go-go society, one that constantly shouts that louder and bigger matter more. One that says you’re less than if you’re a caring listener and reflective thinker instead of an incessant talker and frantic doer.

  This book sets the record straight. It’s about letting go of Mommy Guilt we were never called to carry, about finding ways to bring in the quiet we genuinely need, about redefining and rediscovering the good life. We find ourselves in difficult times, that’s for sure. Parenting in this technological age is a challenge no previous generation has faced, and staying grounded as we juggle multiple schedules and negative news feeds takes courage. But as our planet spins faster, the world and our families call out for the irreplaceable gifts that only we, as introverts, can bring. Our faith is needed. Our steadiness is needed. Our presence is needed. Our calm is needed. We are needed.